Vow-writing Clinic

You may choose to steer clear of the standard wedding vows (“love”, yes, “honour”, yes, but “obey”?) and write your own. Let your officiant guide you initially. Some guidelines:

• Keep it short and sweet. No 20-minute monologues describing every step in your relationship from Day One. Boring.
• Keep it positive. Don’t refer to any previous breakups or makeups that have taken place along your winding path toward marriage. It’s not a made-for-TV movie; it’s your wedding.
• Write your vows on index cards in case your mind goes blank. Many people do.
• Check with the officiant to make sure the wording doesn’t conflict with the church’s beliefs (lest they shut you down).

Making the ceremony more personal

Here are some specific ways to make your wedding ceremony your own:

• If you’re marrying in a house of worship, reverse positions with the officiant so you’re facing your guests.
• At a small wedding, have the guests around you in a circle of semicircle.
• Stand outside the house of worship and greet guests as they arrive.
• Have ushers hand candles to guests as they enter the house of worship. Start by lighting one guest’s candle and then have that guest light the candle of the person next to him, who in turn lights the candle of the person next to him, continuing until all the candles are lit.
• Investigate traditions from your ethnic background and incorporate those that are meaningful to you, such as jumping the broom, or passing a lighted candle.